Dress Shoes

Certain dress shoes should not be worn by men. This coming from a guy that routinely wears black dress shoes with brown tweed trousers, is sad. My excuse is that they are so covered in dirt they appear brown before the scrutiny. I wish to talk about shoes that make a sound. I wish to talk about soles. Some dress shoes make a dull thud. This is an onomatopœia that is desired. One can pretend he is manly and wearing boots. My shoes make a “thud.” I pretend they are the Sam Elliot of dress shoes.
Some people wear shoes that go, “click.” These sound like women’s shoes. If I hear these I expect to turn around and see a pair of pumps. Or stilettos depending on my mood. I turn around and instead see a full grown man. Does not matter how dapper you look, the click adds a touch of confusion. At the beginning of the conversion I am still lost thinking about your soles. Why did they click? Why not a thud? This momentary train wreck of thought is all I need, I am derailed.
And so, please wear soles befitting Sam Elliot.